


In The Market For Sausage

by vulcanhighblood



Category: Naruto
Genre: Blind Date, Christmas, Christmas Shopping, Discord: Umino Hours, Far Too Many Sausage Euphemisms, Getting to Know Each Other, Hatake Kakashi Is Trying, Hatake Kakashi is a Little Shit, M/M, Minor Hagane Kotetsu/Kamizuki Izumo, Minor Mitarashi Anko/Yamato | Tenzou, Pre-Relationship, Umino Hours Winter Bingo, Umino Iruka Needs a Hug, Yamato | Tenzou is a Good Kohai
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:14:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29109132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vulcanhighblood/pseuds/vulcanhighblood
Summary: Iruka is invited to third wheel for his friends Izumo, Kotetsu, Anko, and Anko's boyfriend Tenzou. Unbenownst to him, there's a fourth wheel tagging along - one Hatake Kakashi. After some mulled wine, a broken ornament, and one too many references to sausages, Iruka comes to the shocking conclusion that perhaps Kakashi isn't as terrible as he once thought him to be.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka
Comments: 4
Kudos: 106
Collections: The Umino Hours Winter Bingo 2020





	In The Market For Sausage

**Author's Note:**

> My tenth work in the Umino Hours Discord Server's Winter Bingo.  
> Written for the prompt: Christmas Markets

“Hey Iruka, you have some time off this weekend, right?”

Iruka looked up, meeting Izumo’s gaze and wondering if he should be nervous about the grin stealing over his friend’s face. “Yeah…” he said slowly. 

“Kotetsu and I are going to the Christmas Market over in the shopping district,” Izumo said, eyes sparkling with excitement. “Anko and Tenzou are going, too. You should come with us!”

Iruka wasn’t sure how to explain to Izumo that he had no interest in third-wheeling for him and Kotetsu, much less  _ two couples, _ but Izumo looked so excited… and the mulled wine they’d sold in the Christmas Market last year had been  _ really _ good. Maybe even third-wheeling-twice-over good. “All right,” Iruka finally said. “I guess I’ll come.”

“Awesome! We’re meeting at the corner with the bookstore and the little bakery, just around the corner from Yamanaka flowers,” Izumo informed him. “We were going to go on Saturday at noon, if that time works for you?”

Noon was a good time to meet, Iruka reflected, because it gave him a few hours to try and finish his grading before heading out. “Sure, that works for me.”

Izumo beamed at him. “Great! See you then!”   
  
Iruka just hoped they’d have enough mulled wine to dull the irritation of being a single guy stuck traipsing around with  _ two _ couples. Not that he had a problem with their relationships - Anko was extremely happy with her new boyfriend, and Tenzou seemed like a really good guy. Plus, Iruka had known Izumo and Kotetsu for years, and they’d been officially dating for at least two years now, though they’d been  _ unofficially _ together for closer to four years. Iruka was the odd one out among his friends - he wasn’t the social butterfly type like Anko, who tended to fling herself wholeheartedly from one relationship to the next. Some of them ended well, some ended badly, but Anko was happy with herself and the arrangement, so Iruka wasn’t about to judge. He just wished, sometimes, that he could find his own happiness. 

But that sort of melancholy wasn’t really appropriate for something as festive as a Christmas Market, Iruka reminded himself sternly, mentally slapping himself and trying to focus. He could be happy for his friends and overindulge in mulled wine, and that would be good enough for another winter season. 

Saturday arrived without fanfare, though Iruka did take the extra time before meeting his friends to change into a warm sweater - he didn’t actually own any Christmas-themed articles of clothing, but he figured that a sweater and scarf would be at least vaguely thematically appropriate. Once he’d bundled himself up, he set out to join his friends at the bookstore by the bakery and Yamanaka flowers. It appeared he was the last to arrive, as he jogged up to find Izumo, Kotetsu, Anko, and her boyfriend Tenzou all waiting outside the bookstore. 

“Hey,” Iruka greeted, jogging up and dashing off a quick wave. “Sorry I’m late.”

“No worries,” Kotetsu assured him, “We’re still waiting on one other person.”

Iruka blinked. “Oh?”

“Yeah!” Anko grinned, looping her arm through her boyfriend’s and leaning against his shoulder. “Tenzou invited his senpai to come, too.” 

Iruka knew very little about Tenzou, and wasn’t sure how he felt about third-wheeling with a total stranger. Hopefully the person wouldn’t be  _ too _ annoying to put up with. “Oh yeah?”

“He should be here soon,” Tenzou said. “Hopefully.” He didn’t look nearly as hopeful as his words implied. 

Iruka shrugged, and asked Izumo what he and Kotetsu wanted to do first. Anko, like Iruka, wanted to make a beeline for the mulled wine, while Tenzou seemed content to merely enjoy the Christmas illuminations and decorations that had been set up along the street. Izumo wanted to look at some of the local handmade crafts, and Kotetsu wanted to eat sausages. They were just beginning to plan their route when Tenzou made a soft exasperated sound, lifting a hand to flag down someone rounding the corner. “Senpai!” he called. “You’re late again!”

Iruka turned, and blinked.  _ Oh no, _ he thought,  _ not him! _

“Yo,” Hatake Kakashi, bane of the mission desk and record-holder for sending graduated students back to the academy, lifted a hand in casual greeting. “Sorry, I was waylaid by a flock of doves, and one of them had an injured wing, so I carried it home and splinted the injury, and it took longer than I expected.”

From a quick glance around the circle, Iruka noted that the eyerolls and exasperated sighs made it quite clear to the jonin that no one believed this excuse. Even so, it was mostly glossed over in favor of  _ finally _ heading into the market.

The streets were lined with all sorts of decorations - winking lights covered every cart and stall, reindeer and santa claus made regular appearances, and the entire space seemed to have gained an increase to the usual cheery atmosphere. As they walked, Iruka naturally fell in beside his fellow third wheel, Kakashi, who was gazing around the market with a neutral expression.

“So what are  _ you _ looking forward to?” Iruka asked, not really sure what else to talk about and quickly seizing upon the only topic that seemed timely, given their location. “Personally, I’m just here for the mulled wine.”

Kakashi glanced at Iruka with a raised eyebrow. “Is it that good?” 

Iruka chuckled, scrubbing awkwardly at the back of his neck. “I don’t know, it’s better than sitting at home grading homework or covering a coworker’s shift at the mission desk. It doesn’t have to be great to improve on my usual weekend activities.” 

“Hm,” Kakashi said noncommittally, glancing around. “I guess I’m just looking forward to seeing how things proceed.”

“I didn’t really peg you for a people-watcher,” Iruka noted with a small frown. 

Kakashi shrugged his shoulders, not making eye contact. “People are interesting.”

Iruka narrowed his eyes as he reconsidered Kakashi’s statement. “You’re not a voyeur or anything, are you?”

“Please,” Kakashi scoffed, plucking one of his omnipresent trashy romance novels from a hip pouch. “I much prefer fictional escapades.”

Iruka couldn’t argue that as much as he wasn’t a fan of reading porn in public, it was at least better than knowing that Kakashi watched  _ actual people. _ So that had to count for something, maybe. “I guess that makes sense.”

Kakashi nodded, and the two of them lapsed into silence until they reached the mulled wine. Iruka bought himself a cup, as did the others, though he wasn’t sure how Kakashi planned to drink it while wearing his mask. He decided it wasn’t worth questioning it, and sipped his own as they proceeded on to the handmade goods section of the market. Iruka paused to peruse several handmade crafts, looking for something small he could get for Naruto, as he would be dropping by the boy’s apartment sometime in the coming week. Although Iruka wasn’t much of a Christmas-lover himself, he still felt it was important that Naruto felt someone included him in the seasonal festivities, and if he didn’t do it, who would?

“Who are you getting that for?” Kakashi asked, his voice right behind Iruka’s ear.

With a yelp, Iruka fumbled the small ornament  _ and _ his mulled wine. The ornament clattered to the table and immediately broke into three pieces. The mulled wine went down the front of his nice sweater. Iruka cursed, then glanced around guiltily as if schoolchildren might have crawled from the woodwork during the scant seconds he’d loosened his tongue. “What the  _ hell?” _ he growled at Kakashi. “Don’t  _ scare _ me like that!”

Kakashi lifted his hands in a gesture of surrender. “I didn’t realize you were so focused on the… ah…” His eyes drifted down, noticing the growing red stain painting Iruka’s sweater. “You dropped your-”

“Yes, I’m well aware I dropped my wine,” Iruka snarled, frustrated at having now wasted his primary purpose for tagging along with his friends in the first place. Although, as he glanced around, he realized that his friends had moved on already, and were no longer in sight. So why the hell was Kakashi still here, if his friends had vanished? 

“Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to pay for the broken ornament,” the woman behind the counter said, appearing about as pleased with the situation as Iruka. 

“I’m sorry for the trouble,” Iruka said, digging out his coin purse and plopping the change down for an overpriced, now  _ useless  _ ornament. 

“Would you like me to wrap that?” the woman asked without a trace of irony.

Iruka stared blankly at her for a moment, then said, “Just put it in a bag.”

She did as he’d asked, tucking the ornament into a paper bag and handing it to him. Iruka quickly hurried away from the stand before groaning internally. Now he had  _ no _ mulled wine, and he still hadn’t gotten anything for Naruto!

“Did you want to try and wash that out?” Kakashi asked, indicating the wide, wine-red stain running down the center of Iruka’s chest. “There’s a bathroom right over there,” he pointed helpfully.

Iruka wanted to scream. Really, at this point, he mostly just wanted to go home. “Where did Izumo and Kotetso go?” he wondered aloud, craning his neck. “Did they run off to go find sausages?” Kakashi snickered, and it took Iruka a moment to figure out why that was so funny to him. “Oh, grow up!” he griped, lightly punching Kakashi’s shoulder before pausing, wondering if he’d perhaps been a little too friendly with that gesture.

Fortunately, Kakashi didn’t seem to mind, as he just smirked back at Iruka. “Maybe Anko went in search of a sausage, too,” he said with a smarmy grin.

“You’re terrible,” Iruka told him, then sighed. “I guess I’ll try and wash this out. You don’t have to wait for me.”

“I don’t have anything better to do,” Kakashi said, extending a hand. “I’ll hold onto that for you.”

Iruka glanced at the paper bag, and shrugged, handing it over. “Thanks,” he said, “I’ll be back in a minute.” 

It took longer than a minute to get the sweater washed out, and the stain was still very much visible in the center of his chest. There was just a nice  _ wet spot _ all across the center to sort of emphasize the place where he’d spilled all over himself. Eventually, Iruka gave up on improving the situation and slipped the now  _ wet sweater _ back over his head and heading back out into the market. Kakashi was waiting outside the bathroom, though he now held two cups of mulled wine. His own, which was about half empty, and another cup that was full and still steaming. 

“I got you a new one,” he said, “since you said it was the main reason you came, I figured…”

“Thank you,” Iruka said, oddly touched by the gesture. He accepted the mulled wine, taking an appreciative sip. It tasted even better than the first one as it warmed his chest at the first sip, the heat especially welcome since his wet sweater was adding to the chill in the air. 

“Did you want to look for a different ornament?” Kakashi asked, lifting the paper bag he’d been holding for Iruka. 

“Sure,” Iruka agreed. “I’m kind of glad I figured out that one was so breakable - it wouldn’t have survived five minutes with Naruto.”

“Naruto?” Kakashi echoed, a strange look crossing his face as he glanced at Iruka.

“Yeah, you know, yea high,” Iruka indicated Naruto’s height with one hand, “pre-genin, little rascal,”  _ demon fox, _ he didn’t say. He didn’t have to. “One of my students. An orphan. I try and include him in some of my holiday activities, because, well,” Iruka scratched at his cheek, feeling suddenly exposed. How sad was he, that he had to spend his holidays with a  _ student? _ “He’s an orphan, and I’m an orphan, so the two of us can be orphans… together. Sort of.” That was the worst way to explain his motivation, and Iruka fully expected Kakashi to laugh at him for his sentimentality, but instead the jonin just nodded slowly.

“Not many people would share their holidays with an...orphan… like him,” he said. They both knew Kakashi didn’t really mean  _ orphan, _ not with the tone he used.

For some reason, that made Iruka feel defensive. “His  _ orphanness,” _ again, a clear euphemism, “does not make him any less of a child that needs love and support, and I may not be a parent or have much time on my hands, but I spare the time I can because he  _ deserves _ to be treated like the human being and the child he is, so you’ll forgive me if I take a little time out of my day to pick out an ornament for him!”

Kakashi lifted his hands in a gesture of surrender. “I wasn’t implying you were doing anything  _ wrong,” _ he said. “I was… impressed.”

Not entirely convinced, Iruka glared at Kakashi. “Sure you were.”

“Look,” Kakashi said in a soothing tone, “I’ll prove it to you. Why don’t we  _ both _ pick out something for him? Two ornaments have got to be better than one, right?”

Still suspicious, Iruka narrowed his eyes at Kakashi, gazing at him for several long seconds before finally deciding the man didn’t seem to be mocking him. “All right,” he grudgingly agreed. “We can  _ both _ get something for him. But you have to come deliver it with me.”

Kakashi’s eye widened in a mixture of horror and something deeper -  _ pain? Longing? Self-recrimination? _ Before Iruka could identify the emotion, it was gone again. “Okay,” he agreed. “We can deliver them together.”

That decided, the two of them set off on their new mission - find ornaments for Naruto. Once they’d found some appropriately sturdy and thematic decorations to bring to the boy, Iruka suggested grabbing something to eat before they left.

“Like a  _ sausage?” _ Kakashi asked, wiggling his eyebrow at Iruka.

“Don’t get my hopes up,” Iruka growled irritably, deciding to fight fire with fire. “I’ve been single for so long I don’t even remember how to do that shit.”

“I wouldn’t mind helping you refresh your memory,” Kakashi replied with a smarmy wink. Or maybe a blink. It seemed intentional enough to be a wink, though. 

Not sure how to respond to that, Iruka stared at Kakashi for a long second before deciding that he wasn’t going to be out-perving the perv anytime soon, and it had been a stupid idea to try. “I think I’ll stick with bratwurst for now,” he finally said in a faint voice. 

“Let me know if you change your mind,” Kakashi answered with a too-cheery voice. “My offer stands.”

Iruka hated how seriously he was considering that offer, and he hadn’t even drank enough mulled wine to blame that consideration on the alcohol. “Anyway,” he said, feeling his cheeks flush and well aware it was not the result of his warm beverage so much as the warm body standing before him, “let’s get something to eat and then…” he glanced around again, “find our friends? Where did they get to? Shouldn’t they have found us by now?”

Kakashi shrugged. “Maybe they’re still…”

“If you make one more joke about sausages I’m leaving,” Iruka warned him.

Wisely, Kakashi fell silent. “I’m sure they’ll find us eventually.”

Iruka glanced around at the darkening sky, the streets now lit by the winking lights of the Christmas illuminations lining the street. “They better do it soon, or we’ll have to ditch them and deliver our gifts to Naruto instead.”

“I don’t mind the sound of that,” Kakashi admitted, stepping off to the side into the line for a cart selling sausage, potato wedges, and a few other snack foods. “I’ve about had my fill of crowds for the day.”

Iruka nodded. “Yeah, it is getting pretty crowded.” He craned his neck once more. “Maybe they really  _ did _ go… handle some sausages,” he said.

“Hey,” Kakashi said, sounding wounded. “How come  _ you _ get to make sausage jokes, but I don’t?”

“You’ve already used your daily quota of sausage jokes,” Iruka shot back. “I, on the other hand, have used mine sparingly.”

“I’ll be sure to ration my sausage jokes the next time we go out,” Kakashi teased.

Iruka blinked. Wait. Go out?  _ Next time? _ “Hold on,” Iruka said, feeling the gears in his head grinding to a sudden halt. “Is this a date?”

Tilting his head slowly, Kakashi stared back at him. “...do you  _ want _ it to be?” he asked. “I thought we were having fun.”

They  _ had _ been having fun, Iruka reflected with a measure of disbelief. They’d been doing…  _ couple things, _ he realized with something akin to horror. Sure, they hadn’t held hands or anything, but… holy shit, Kakashi had even  _ held onto his shopping bag and waited outside the bathroom for him, _ if that wasn’t a couple thing he didn’t know what  _ was! _ “I… I don’t know if I want this to be a date,” Iruka admitted after a moment, “because it seems sort of shitty to retroactively call it a date?”

Kakashi nodded slowly, his gaze fixed on Iruka. “Then… would you be amenable to an  _ actual  _ date? On another day?”

To his great surprise, Iruka found that he  _ was _ amenable to just such a thing. “You know,” he said faintly, “I think that’d be nice.”

“Okay,” was all Kakashi said, and then turned back to face the front of the line. 

“But!” Iruka said quickly, “the sausage-joke restriction still stands!”   
  
Slowly, Kakashi turned back around, a smile tugging at the corners of his eye. “I can work with that,” he said, with a hint of mischief in his tone.

Iruka wasn’t sure he liked the sound of that, but he was curious to see what Kakashi came up with to circumvent his sausage restriction. If he was being totally honest with himself, he might even be looking forward to it. “Good to know.” He shifted his weight nervously before adding, “So, uh… how do you feel about ramen?”

**Author's Note:**

> Literally ten minutes into the afternoon, Izumo, Kotetsu, Anko and Tenzou snuck away because this was all just a ploy to set up Iruka and Kakashi on a blind date. Kakashi figured it out right away. Iruka just didn't expect his friends to be that devious. He really should have known better, _Anko_ was involved...


End file.
